a [mom]ent inside my head

this is the best thing I’ve ever done.
what have we done.
should I talk about her less?
it’s only one small part of a complex me.
motherhood = me.
I’ve got this!
how on earth have millions of people done this. they’ve done this right? they’re doing this?
need a break so bad.
let’s wake her up.
where does the time go?
is it bath time yet?
how necessary is a bath today?
let’s make plans, she hasn’t been bathed in 2 days so we’ll bath at x time before y and after z.
let’s get out.
let’s not leave the house until 2024.
I’m at 0%
my heart is so full.
it’s like I’ve been doing this forever.
well I did live 30 years without her.
I miss her.
I should exercise.
all I want to do is spend quality time while she’s awake.
I hope she takes a long nap.
I need to dial in my self expectations.
why can’t I manage to cook, exercise, pack and prep for tomorrow, work, spend quality time, and see friends and family?
will I ever?
I’m exhausted.
I could run a marathon.
I think I can only manage to sit here.
this is just temporary.
routines are so helpful.
I can’t look at a clock any more today.
we’re just gonna go for a walk.
you got her?
gimme that girly wirly.
will this thing be this way forever?
I’m so proud of us.
imagine not having this insane support system.
but how do they do it?
she’s brilliant.
and cute.
sooooooo cute!
it’s everything I thought, just more extreme.
we’re really doing it.
she’s incredible.
she’s doing so much.
imagine just learning literally everything.
I’m so impressed.
why is she doing that?
I love when she does that.

before Ruby came I said I hoped to be a version of what she needs, when she needs it. not to set high expectations of myself or anything…but I did actually mean it casually.

I am not a perfectionist. never have been. very comfortable with being decent at some things and ideally fantastic at identifying areas to improve. I think it’s going well. in the most imperfect way.

her little hand grabs will never get old.